Today I need someone I can talk to, cry on, and blurt out all of my secrets and problems. I’ve always been the best liar around, so why the sudden urge to tell everything that’s on my mind? Well, guess what, I’m about to burst.

Things are going crazy. I tell you, REALLY crazy. Things are bringing the worst of me. I’m losing the last bits of my sanity. Right now, I’m on the bed, barely seeing what I’m writing as my eyes are blurred with tears.

It’s all about the decisions I am making in my life. I feel so disappointed about myself. Why did I do this and that. Why did I give in to temptation and fail in life. This knot in my head is becoming impossible to iron out and this flood of emotions is drowning the hell out of me.

You know what I wanna do? Be in a room with every people I hurt/hate, tell them everything, say sorry, walk away, throw everything in a fire pit, push the restart button and start anew. Meh. Who am I kidding? Life’s hard.

Tomorrow’s Monday again.

Looks like I’m not starting my year right. . Hmmhmm. Currently, I’m trying to get back on track but I honestly don’t know where to start. Meh. It’s so hard to put things into word especially when you know your blog is now too public to people you personally know. Ugh.

First 3 days of my year went a little tough and stupid. Huhu. So sad I can’t go into details. I shall change my domain name soon! :|

I thought 2010 is my year but 2011 really made a blast! So much blessings that I can say that I really couldn’t ask for more. Though of course I had problems, those just made me a better me. Ah yeah, total cliche!

Apparently I’m gonna list down every best memories I had with 2011 so I’m just gonna spill the beans.

1. It’s true that when a door closes, another opens. Well, in my case, 4 did open. It was January when I was in a real heartbreak and to help myself cope little by little, I welcomed new people in my life. There I met 4 men that showed how special I am. But of course only 1 won my heart. EEEEK. That sounds so cheesy :))

2. Valentines Day! Being serenaded in front of so many people is the sweetest thing that has ever done to me! <3 Plus, I received lots of gifts that day! Hahahaha!

3. Outings, vodka, and sleepovers! To describe 2011 in a word, it would be FUN. That's because I spent most of my time with friends and because ♫ girls just wanna have fun ♫

4. Gadgets I bought this year with my very own savings: digital camera, blackberry phone, apad, ipod touch, Nokia c3 and 2 other phones (which of course I no longer use)

5. Birthday getaway! Spent the last days of being a teenager with friends in a craziest and funnest way.

6. Success in my feasibility study! :)

7. Errr, Lovelife! <3

8. Internship @ Pepsi Cola! :) Met new people!

9. New cousin: Kurt Washington Chua. I tell you, he's the cutest! <3

10. Dancing career. LOL. This year I danced 2x in front of many people which is of course something so rare to me. Hahahahahahaha I seriously just dont know what else to add up so I'm just gonna leave this one here =))

I thank God for every blessings I received this year. 12 months, no financial difficulties, no family mishaps, no failed subjects, nothing but pure blessings and love. THANK YOU, FATHER!

Time truly runs fast. Just last month, I turned 20. Officially no longer a teenager. Did I enjoy my teenage days? Not really. You see, I’m from a family where rules are made. Sucky rules like these: “no boyfriend til you finish college”, “go home before the sun is down”. Blah! Blah! Nevertheless, rules are made to be broken, aren’t they? :)

Anyway, the truth is, I feel I’m running out of time. I’m 20 years old and I feel trapped in a web of rules. Yes, sometimes I get to do whatever I want, but I want to do everything my way this time. For once, I just want to be free. Free, where nobody gets in my way, no rules to mind, no “do as your told”.

I think I blogged about this already but I just want to blurt this out again. Just today, I was on my way home from school, my earphones were in, the song “Young, Wild and Free” was playing in repeat.

“‘So what we get drunk
So what we smoke weed
We’re just having fun
We don’t care who sees
So what we go out
That’s how its supposed to be
Living young and wild and free”

The lyrics said it all. Apparently, I want to live my life the other way around. Not forever, just today, while I’m young. Time runs fast, right? I don’t want to end up being sorry how I didn’t live my life to the fullest.

Well, a few more months til I finish college. Let’s see….

PS: I don’t really follow most of the rules. Well, who does? :)

PSS: LEI of imperfectlei.org is giving away one 2012 edition Starbucks Planner in Oak plus Php300 worth of Starbucks GCs! Click here to join! :)

Today is the first day of my internship. Well, to describe it in one word: AWKWARD.

So, I arrived at the company around 7:20am, which is a little embarrassing because I’m supposed to be there at 7am, so I am 20minutes late :( Such a worst way to start off :(

Around 8am, me and Lianne were still in the office, chatting, while everybody’s busy with their computers. 8:30-ish, the Sales Manager and the Territory coordinator called us and discussed everything about the company. How they operate, how the company earn, and whatnot. 9am, the managers had a meeting and they invited us over to join. The awkwardness then began. I introduced myself. I told them they can call me with my nickname – Happi, and they laughed about it because it’s weird and asked me why is my name like that. Oh well, I’ve been asking myself the same question for 20 years. Hoho~

After the meeting, we had brunch together. I had pork steak! Yum!

11am, we’re back in the office. Ma’am Dina gave us our first task: Cut and paste Christmas decos! LOL. I enjoyed doing that, though :p

After it, some guy from the Financing office taught us how to do the inventory which was quite confusing because they’ve got thousands palettes of Pepsi products :| Haha! While doing so, the 2 other interns finally arrived! YAY time to go home! :P

First day of my internship: ★ ★ ★